On downer sides, I finally, finally realized that Philip was not only not for me, but maintains such a harsh judgement of me that his thoughts and being are now nothing to me. I tried. I failed. I tried. He ultimately failed. Have a nice life, you porno/guilt/family afflicted/ racist/ ingunuine motherfucker. I've said enough. Oh here: when my life was down and I turned to you, all you did was make it worse, and worse, and worse. By the way, do NOT phone my mother again. She'll not be liking that.

I hope the job fair with Tom and J. will provide me with some options. Otherwise, I know where I'm taking this whole thing called life. At least those guys care, and are instant family, because they do not judge me, my past, or my present.

Presently, I'm holding up my end to create the Userlands trailer, with the help of REAL people like Brandon and crew, and Daath, and Seester. This will also involve a pretty large event come January when the book is published, and our wonderful editor, usher, helper, and helmer, Dennis Cooper, will be on hand. I'm geeked to be in such company.

I'm geeked to have found myself at a point where I can actually use this diary thing as a working-out stage for some writing, instead of whining and the bullshit I've put here for over a year. It's coming back. I just have to coax it.
::dorknoodle::